


the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses

by thesiege



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Suicide, Pretentious Poetic Prose, Romance, mentions of depression, nothing explicit but just in case, suggestive content later onnnnnn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:46:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8055064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesiege/pseuds/thesiege
Summary: I am your heart, and you are mine. Where shall I be if not beside you?//somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyondany experience,your eyes have their silence:in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,or which i cannot touch because they are too nearyour slightest look easily will unclose methough i have closed myself as fingers,you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first roseor if your wish be to close me, i andmy life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,as when the heart of this flower imaginesthe snow carefully everywhere descending;nothing which we are to perceive in this world equalsthe power of your intense fragility:whose texturecompels me with the color of its countries,rendering death and forever with each breathing(i do not know what it is about you that closesand opens;only something in me understandsthe voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands—e. e. cummings





	1. —one by one / stars flutter into dust : intro

**Author's Note:**

> as is the sea marvelous  
> from god’s  
> hands which sent her forth  
> to sleep upon the world
> 
> and the earth withers  
> the moon crumbles  
> one by one  
> stars flutter into dust
> 
> but the sea  
> does not change  
> and she goes forth out of hands and  
> she returns into hands
> 
> and is with sleep….
> 
> love,  
>  the breaking
> 
> of your  
>  soul  
>  upon  
> my lips  
> —e. e. cummings

She knows of nothing but music and the stars.

She parts her lips, and sings. What is "speech"? Her speech is song. Her voice lilts and tumbles and flies. The weight of the constellations rests deep in her eyes, casting light so brightly on her soul that no shadows can possibly exist for long.

And yet, today she cannot be happy. Today, Lucy is a dying sun, with only sad songs echoing through her mind. She kneels before her mother's dusty grave and bows her head, soft tears tripping down her cheeks. She lays her bright bouquet of assorted flowers in front of the headstone and rereads the words she knows by heart: "In Loving Memory of Layla Heartphilia: Mother, Daughter, Wife. 1961 - 1996."

She hates these words. They are painful, honest words and they hurt her, remind her that reality is a world in which her mother is gone.

The summer sun blazes high in the sky. It is afternoon, and normally Lucy would already be gone, grieving at home or forcing her sadness into lyrics, but today she cannot bring herself to leave.

Instead, she sits in front of these words that hurt, buries her face into her knees, and sings. She sounds terrible, with her hiccuping sobs and her watery voice and her heaving breaths, but she sings and sings and sings.

A gentle touch on her shoulder startles her out of her crying stupor and she shrieks and flails onto her back with a thud. Mortified, she opens blurry eyes and sees pink. Blinking uncomprehendingly, she rubs her eyes and looks again.

It is a man with pink hair, dark eyes, and a kind smile. He holds his hand out to her. "Sorry I scared ya. Are you ok?"

Nodding slowly, she accepts his hand—it is a very warm hand, much warmer than an average hand—and gasps when he pulls her to her feet in one smooth motion. She stumbles to catch her balance, clutching his hand and blushing when his other hand quickly cups her waist to steady her.

She steps back and he lets her go immediately. She finds herself feeling strangely bereft; a breeze wafts by and she shivers, the places where his overly warm hands touched feeling extra chilly.

"Um, thank you," she whispers hoarsely and cleared her throat.

"No problem. Are you...sure yer okay?" he asks carefully, eying her disheveled face. "You, uh, well, you know, you were...cryin'. A lot. Um, ya just seemed really sad. And I heard you..."

Her eyes widen as she realizes that he must have been forced to listen to her terrible caterwauling and her face turns red as a cherry. She can't meet his eyes as apologizes. "Oh no, I'm so sorry! I must have bothered you, I-I didn't realize I was being loud, I'm  _ so _ sorry—"

"No!" he blurts loudly, then coughs and repeats more calmly, "No. Actually, I, uh..." He looks away and rubs at the back of his neck, pink rising up from his chin. "I thought ya sounded really beautiful." His gaze darts to hers and then away, his face color now matching hers.

"Oh," she squeaks. "Um, thank you. For saying that. But...I mean, I was—I was crying really hard and there's no way I sounded good. I'm so sorry. I promise I usually sound much better than that."

"I thought it was pretty," he mumbles bashfully. They stand in rosily embarrassed silence for several moments before he clears his throat again and asks awkwardly, "Uh, so, uh, do ya sing a lot?"

"Huh? Oh yes! I'm...I'm a singer, actually. Professionally. Oh, I'm not very well-known," she reassures him hastily as soon as she sees him furrow his eyebrows. "You wouldn't know me, I'm sure."

He doesn't look convinced. "Sing somethin' for real then. One o' your songs."

She glances at the stones around them. "Here?"

"Why not?" He grins and shrugs, turning to look back at on headstone with a bundle of bright red poppies sitting in front of it, which Lucy realizes must be who this man was visiting—before she loudly interrupted him, that is. "Quiet place like this could do with some pretty music, don'tcha think?"

Lucy smiles softly and looks back down at her mother's grave, wiping away a few stray tears. Her heart is still heavy, but it is simply the sadness of her mother's too-early passing that will always weigh her down, not the crushing depression she was feeling earlier.

Nodding, she takes a deep breath and hums, "Alright. I'll sing just a bit of one of my favorite songs."

He grins excitedly and grabs her wrist, pulling her down with him as he drops to the ground. She yelps and lands on her butt, glad for the grass but also hoping her shorts don't get stained.

"You could've warned me," she mutters, brushing at her legs, but he just shrugs and sits behind her, back to back.

"C'mon, lemme hear ya!"

Sighing, Lucy hums a bit of the melody to herself to prepare. It's one of her best songs, she thinks, because the lyrics are bittersweet, but peaceful. It's the first song she ever wrote, the day after her mother died.

She breathes in and sings.

_ Softly, the wind blows your voice through the sky _ __  
_ And I won't catch up, still I can't help but try _ __  
_ Some nights the stars draw your face through the dark _ _  
_ __ But I can't reach you there, you've run too far

_ Surely time flew by too quickly for you _ __  
_ Without you here I'm not sure what to do _ __  
_ All I know is this song that I wrote in my heart _ _  
_ __ And I wish upon wish to be where you are

The last notes of her voice linger in the air and then fade away like an afterthought, but the mood remains, wrapping around them like they're the only two people in the world. Lucy finds that she's leaning back on him, just as heavily as he's leaning against her, and they are the only things holding each other up.

She wipes a stray tear and is surprised to hear him sniffle. She pulls up and turns around, meeting him halfway. His eyes are telltale red, but there's emotion in them she can't decipher.

"What...what did you think?" she wonders tremulously, quietly, afraid to shatter this moment.

"Beautiful." That's it. Just one word, a word she's heard a thousand times before, or even a million, but looking in his eyes as he says it—his raw honesty is undeniable.

"Thank you." It's almost too quiet to hear, and the gratitude flutters through the air between them.

He reaches out and plucks her hand from her lap. She is shocked enough for the both of them when she lets him, despite the fact that they are undoubtedly strangers. His fingers are long, rough, gentle on hers. There is a brimming strength in them; it's obvious in the sturdy tenderness with which he holds her.

Loosely lacing their digits together, her smooth pearl striking against his worn tan—their hearts flutter at the intimacy—he meets her eyes again and says, "You're Lucy."

She inhales sharply. "How do you—"

She cuts off when he shakes his head and smiles. "You said I wouldn't know but I do. Your voice...I would recognize it anywhere. Maybe not when when you're crying"—he grins cheekily when she pouts—"but...that song, it would be impossible for me not to know when you sing that song. It's my favorite."

"But that's...that was my first song. Ever."

His smile turns crooked; it is so charming that Lucy has to look away. "Yeah, Luce, I've loved your voice since the beginning."

"You're...a fan? Of me?  _ Mine _ ?" Five years, and she has never been recognized in public before, never run into a fan like this. The warmth in her chest is blossoming.

"Yeah. Yours."

The way he says that shoots her through her heart and she's suddenly ten times more aware of the way they're staring at each other, of how dark and deep his eyes are, of how their fingers are so tangled and touching.

_ Attraction _ , she recalls suddenly, but never like this before. There is something instinctual here, something she  _ knows _ but doesn't know, and it frightens her cold.

He leans in slowly, but she jerks away as shockingly as a lightning strike. The slide of his fingers burns her as they pull apart, and she shoots to her feet, stammering incoherent apologies in a mess of random notes. A wreck of a melody—this is his effect on her.

"Wait—" He reaches for her, a growing alarm on his face.

"I'm sorry—"

And then she's gone.


	2. —in thy beauty is the dilemma of flutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my love  
> thy hair is one kingdom  
>  the king whereof is darkness  
> thy forehead is a flight of flowers
> 
> thy head is a quick forest  
>  filled with sleeping birds  
> thy breasts are swarms of white bees  
>  upon the bough of thy body  
> thy body to me is April  
> in whose armpits is the approach of spring
> 
> thy thighs are white horses yoked to a chariot  
>  of kings  
> they are the striking of a good minstrel  
> between them is always a pleasant song
> 
> my love  
> thy head is a casket  
>  of the cool jewel of thy mind  
> the hair of thy head is one warrior  
>  innocent of defeat  
> thy hair upon thy shoulders is an army  
>  with victory and with trumpets
> 
> thy legs are the trees of dreaming  
> whose fruit is the very eatage of forgetfulness
> 
> thy lips are satraps in scarlet  
>  in whose kiss is the combinings of kings  
> thy wrists  
> are holy  
>  which are the keepers of the keys of thy blood  
> thy feet upon thy ankles are flowers in vases  
>  of silver
> 
> in thy beauty is the dilemma of flutes
> 
> thy eyes are the betrayal  
> of bells comprehended through incense  
> —e. e. cummings

Lucy hums randomly under her breath as she browses the stalls. Magnolia’s flea market is plentiful and cheap, and Lucy loves collecting all sorts of little trinkets here.

The warm afternoon sunlight glances off the smooth faces of jewelry and metal. Lucy smiles happily as she picks up a delicate gold chain with with a smooth plate of a heart dangling from it. It catches the light and twirls. Lucy loves it immediately.

“Ah, you’ve got a good eye,” the vendor says with an approving nod.

Lucy looks up and smiles at the older woman. “How much is this?”

“That one is real fourteen-carat gold, so it’s a little more expensive than the other ones,” the woman explains. “Twenty five dollars.”

Lucy bites her lip. She does like the bracelet a lot, but twenty five dollars for this little thing? Does she  _ really _ want it?

Regretfully, she lays it back down. “I...I’ll come back.”

“It might be gone in a few hours,” the woman warns.

“I know.” Lucy bows and thanks her.

She moves onto the next table, unable to stop her eyes from lingering on the sparkling gold heart. Quickly, she shakes her head and focuses on the items in front of her.

Her lips part in awe.

Glass. Everything. Glass of all colors in all shapes and sizes. She reaches out and gingerly picks up a pair of dangly glass earrings in varying shades of blue. The colors remind her of the sea, and the shapes remind her of a connected chain of bubbles.

They are  _ so  _ beautiful. She instantly forgets about the gold bracelet. And...only five dollars? For  _ this _ craftsmanship?

She looks up at the seller and freezes.

Pink hair. Tan skin. Dark eyes. Wide smile.  _ Natsu _ .

She lets out an involuntary “eep” and his head swivels to face her. She watches and winces internally as his face visibly stiffens.

“Lucy?” he breathes in disbelief. Then, he grins. “Lucy!”

She feels her cheek grow warm at his enthusiastic greeting, especially given how they parted (that is,  _ ran away _ ) last time. Shyly, she waves with her free hand, her other still cupping the glass earrings.

“Hi Natsu,” she says, and she almost grimaces at how high-pitched her voice sounds. She clears her throat.

“Hey.” In a second, he’s in front of her, separated only by the table of glass. “Checkin’ out my stuff?”

“Did you...make all these?” she asks incredulously with a sweeping gesture. “They’re...they’re gorgeous.”

He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck in a bashful manner. Lucy struggles not to melt. She still doesn’t know how to deal with this strange attraction. It’s a force to be reckoned with.

“Jus’ the glass stuff. My little sister’s the one who puts together all the jewelry.” He perks up. “Hey, you should meet ‘er! Come on!”

“What? No—”

He latches onto her wrist—she has to be very careful not to drop the earrings—and tugs, forcing her to skirt the edge of the table and stumble after him into the little tent set up behind his stall.

“Shouldn’t someone watch the table?” she asks with worry, glancing back with pinched eyebrows.

Natsu shrugs. “Eh, people don’t steal much around here. Not with Erza around. But I can always make more.”

Lucy sighs in exasperation. “That’s not the point!”

He ignores her to shout, “Hey, Wen! Come ‘ere, I want ya to meet someone!”

There’s a flurry of rustling and then a head of long blue hair peeks out from behind a stack of boxes. It’s a girl, apparently in her early teens, and she gasps at the sight of Lucy before hurrying over.

“Oh my gosh, you’re Lucy! Natsu, it’s Lucy!” The girl tugs at Natsu’s shirt and stares at Lucy with unabashed adoration. “I’m a huge fan!”

Lucy can’t hide her shock or her amusement; the girl is adorable and even recognizes Lucy as a singer. This has never happened before.

Natsu laughs. “Lucy, this is my little sister Wendy.”

“Hello, Wendy.” Lucy smiles and holds out her free hand. “It’s wonderful to meet you. The jewelry you make is lovely.” She holds up the earrings for emphasis.

Wendy’s big eyes widen. “Y-y-you can have it!” she blurts, tripping over her words and squeezing Lucy’s proffered hand in both of her tiny ones. “Them! All of it! Wow, this is the best day ever!”

_ She’s so precious _ , Lucy screams in her mind.

“Natsu plays your music allllllllllll the time!” Wendy gushes. Natsu coughs awkwardly and doesn’t meet Lucy’s flattered eyes. “I used to fall asleep to your singing! I mean, I still do sometimes...Your voice is sooooo pretty, and  _ you’re _ sooooo pretty!”

Lucy blushes. “You’re so sweet! Thank you.” She gently pulls Wendy in for a hug and the girl squeals before throwing her arms around Lucy’s waist with surprising strength.

“Sorry ‘bout her,” Natsu mumbles.

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Lucy shakes her head, smiling down at the girl still clinging to her. “This is amazing. I’ve never met a fan before, let alone two.”

Wendy pulls back and begins to bombard Lucy with questions. “I love all your songs! Do you write all your lyrics? Do you compose the music? Can you teach me how to sing?” She gasps dramatically. “Would you sing for me?”

_ There’s some resemblance after all _ , Lucy thinks in amusement as Natsu ruffles Wendy’s hair, much to the girl’s displeasure.

“Slow down there, Wen, give ‘er some time to answer,” he chuckles.

Before Wendy can respond, a loud voice calls from outside, “Drag queen, where the hell are you? Someone’s gonna steal all your shit!”

With a loud groan, Natsu tosses an apologetic look at Lucy before stomping out of the tent. “Shut up, ice princess, I do what I want! What the hell are you doin’ over here?”

Wendy giggles at Lucy’s confused expression. “That’s Gray, Natsu’s best friend. They don’t act like it.”

Lucy shakes her head fervently. “They really don’t.”

“Wanna meet him?”

“O-oh—I don’t know—”

Wendy grabs Lucy’s hand—she’s still holding the earrings, and she doesn’t know what to do with them!—and leads her back outside, where Natsu is arguing with a pale-skinned, dark-haired, shirtless man.

Lucy blinks. What a strange world.

Natsu and his “best friend” appear to be skirting the line between childish argument and violent fistfight. Wendy quickly steps in and launches herself at Gray. He catches her easily and hugs her back with a smile, immediately forgetting about Natsu.

Natsu grumbles under his breath and Lucy laughs. It’s her mother’s laugh, musical and clear, and has been used only sparingly since her mother died. Natsu stills at the sound, staring at her as if entranced.

“W-what? What is it?” Lucy asks self-consciously, touching her hair and clothes, but Natsu just shakes his head.

“Huh? Hey, aren’t you that singer Natsu’s in love wi— _ ow _ ! You little—” Gray swings a retaliatory punch but Natsu dances away, jeering when Gray pulls back thanks to Wendy’s arms still latched onto him.

“Shut up, stripper,” Natsu hisses with flaming cheeks. Gray just smirks and looks at Lucy.

“I’m Gray.” He sticks out his hand and Lucy shakes it firmly, ignoring the chill that runs up her arm when her palm touches his. Why is his skin so cold?

“I’m Lucy. It’s nice to meet you.”

“So you’re a singer, right?”

“Yes. How—?” She glances at Natsu who is busy glaring at Gray.

“Natsu’s  _ crazy _ about you.” Gray rolls his eyes when Natsu growls and starts spitting insults at him. “All of our friends know who you are. Trust Natsu to be lucky enough to actually meet you.”

Wendy giggles and returns to Lucy’s side, staring up at her happily.

She smiles softly and shakes her head, affectionately watching Natsu. “No, I’m the lucky one.”

Gray raises his eyebrows and whistles. “Alright, well, I should head back to my booth.” At Lucy’s questioning look, he grins and explains, “I’m a sculptor. I like working with ice the most, but that’s not so popular when it’s warm out.” He shrugs. “Come visit when you get bored of this idiot.”

“Okay, that’s enough, get the hell outta here,  _ idiot _ .” Natsu shoves Gray out from behind the table and into the passing crowd. “Tell Juvia I said hi!”

Gray turns red and flips Natsu off without a word, then stomps away and disappears.

Snickering, Natsu turns back to Lucy and Wendy. “Sorry ‘bout him. He’s an idiot.”

“Natsu!” Wendy scolds.

“No, it was nice meeting him. I’m glad to know someone enjoys my music so much.” Lucy smiles pointedly at Natsu, laughing when he splutters.

“Can’t help it if you’re beautiful. I mean, your music! Your music is—well, you are too, but, I mean, uh—”

Wendy’s eyes flicker between the two blushing adults and she makes an executive decision. “I’m gonna make more stuff!” she announces loudly. “Lucy, will I see you again?”

“Of course!” Lucy bends down and hugs the girl properly this time. “How can I possibly stay away when you make such beautiful jewelry!”

Wendy laughs. “Okay! See you next time!” She waves and skips back into the tent, whistling one of Lucy’s songs.

“She’s a sweetheart,” Lucy says fondly.

“Yeah, she’s pretty great,” Natsu agrees. “You’re pretty great too.”

Her breath snags in her chest. She slowly meets his eyes—then blinks furiously and looks back down to the earrings still sitting in her palm.

“Hey. Lucy.” She hears him but doesn’t look up, and he sighs. “Look, I’m...I’m sorry about last time. If I did anything, or said anything, that made you uncomfortable—”

“No! No, it wasn’t...no. I don’t know. It wasn’t your fault, I just—” She exhales sharply. Her heart beats a staccato rhythm and the warm breeze blows through her hair in a harmony. There is no explanation for running away, except that she was  _ scared _ . Not of him, but of herself. How can she say that? “I’m sorry.”

He steps closer to her, so that they are only separated by a few electric inches of air and she can’t help but to look him in the eye. He’s so close, so warm, so  _ there _ , and she feels like she’s burning up.

“So,” he murmurs, drawing out the syllable, “would you mind if I asked for your number?”

The flutter of his colorful hair along with the sincerity in his eyes drum through her head, a new melody taking shape. “No, I wouldn’t mind.”

His hand raises up catches a strand of her hair flailing in the air. “Would you mind if I asked you to sing again?”

Her breath stutters out of her, and she’s embarrassed but Natsu just grins at the sound. “N-no, I wouldn’t mind.”

He tucks the hair behind her ear and drops his hand. His fingers brush against hers but neither of them move.

“Would you mind hanging out with me again?”

At this, Lucy smiles brilliantly and Natsu’s the one who can’t breathe.

“No, I definitely wouldn’t mind.”


	3. —i have found what you are like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have found what you are like  
> the rain,
> 
> (Who feathers frightened fields  
> with the superior dust-of-sleep. wields
> 
> easily the pale club of the wind  
> and swirled justly souls of flower strike
> 
> the air in utterable coolness
> 
> deeds of green thrilling light  
> with thinned
> 
> newfragile yellows
> 
> lurch and.press
> 
> —in the woods  
> which  
> stutter  
> and
> 
> sing  
> And the coolness of your smile is  
> stirringofbirds between my arms;but  
> i should rather than anything  
> have(almost when hugeness will shut  
> quietly)almost,  
> your kiss  
> —e. e. cummings

_from: boy on fire_  
to: singing queen  
hey luuuuuuuuce  
u free today?

 _from: singing queen_  
to: boy on fire  
Yes but  
You're not bored of me yet?  
You've seen me everyday for the past 2 weeks

 _from: boy on fire_  
to: singing queen  
ofc not  
y, bored of me already?

 _from: singing queen_  
to: boy on fire  
You are the least boring person in the world, Natsu  
Meet at the Strauss' at 1?

 _from: boy on fire_  
to: singing queen  
c u there

Lucy smiles down at her phone before shoving it into her pocket and humming as she finishes putting on her makeup. She and Natsu have been spending almost all of their time together. In the past two weeks, she's made so many new friends thanks to Natsu. His world is loud and crowded and _alive_ , and Lucy loves it, but today, she's going to show him her world.

She nods at her reflection and leaves her apartment for the Strauss Cafe. Natsu showed it to her the first day they hung out together, introducing her to Mirajane and Elfman Strauss. She has yet to meet Lisanna, but she's actually more excited than worried. If Mira and Elfman are anything to go by, Lisanna will be a total sweetheart.

The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the water is sparkling, and the birds are singing with her. She practically skips down the street, happily waving at the fishermen on the lake, humming randomly as she goes. She's feeling _inspired_ these days; the melodies just burst from her.

She enters the cafe and greets Mira happily, ordering her usual mocha and Natsu's usual cinnamon spice latte with extra, extra, extra cinnamon. Lucy's always liked coffee, but Mira's coffee has her positively addicted. She still cannot for the life of her understand Natsu's tastebuds; Mira's amazing, but even _she_ can't make Natsu's order taste good for normal people.

"Hello, Lucy," Mira says warmly as she slides Lucy's mocha across the counter. "Natsu's not working today, you know."

Lucy accepts the coffee and sniffs it eagerly. Ah, heaven. "I know! We're just meeting here before I show him my studio."

"Your recording studio?" Mira smiles. "That's exciting."

"It's really not," Lucy laughs, sipping her mocha. "It's quiet and empty most of the time, and I just sing and write in there. But he keeps complaining that we always do what he wants to do, but that's only 'cause I don't know what to do! I never do anything!"

Mira giggles. "Well, I heard that you choose not to do anything else."

"Huh?"

"Remember I told you about my sister, Lisanna?" Lucy nods. "She's a celebrity reporter and she told me she requested an interview with you once, but you declined it."

"Oh, really?" Lucy chuckles weakly. "I'm sorry, I just...I'm not big on publicity. After what happened with my family...anyway, yes, I told my company I wouldn't do any interviews or TV appearances. Honestly, I'm still surprised they took me in."

"Ah." Mira nods. "That's fine. I better warn you then. Lisanna's back and she should be coming in soon, so if she sees you she might ask again."

"Oh! Thanks. She's back?" Lucy bites her lip. "Well...maybe I'll consider it...for her..."

Mira shakes her head and smiles kindly. "Don't do anything you don't want to do. She'll understand if you say no."

"Lucy!"

Lucy spins on her her stool at the sound of her name and immediately smiles brightly and waves. "Natsu!"

He slides onto the stool beside her with a carefree grin. "So, you're gonna pick what we do today, right?"

She giggles and nods. "Yup! You might not like it, but we don't have to stay."

"Why wouldn't I like it?" He tilts his head in confusion, like an adorable puppy. "You're weird and you like it, and I'm weird too, so I'll prob'ly like it too."

"Natsu!"

Ignoring Lucy's pouting face, Natsu turns to Mira. "Hey Mira!"

She slides his super-spiced drink over to him. "Here you go! Lucy ordered for you."

"Thanks, Luce!" He picks up the mug and downs it in one large gulp, smacking his lips together in delight.

Lucy can only watch in horror; it's like the first time every time. "I just can't..."

Mira shakes her head and sighs. "Life is easier if you just accept his strange habits."

Natsu raises his eyebrows. "What? It's good!"

Mira rolls her eyes and then brightens as something comes to mind. "Oh that's right! Natsu, I was just telling Lucy that Lisanna's back in town."

"She's back?" Natsu perks up excitedly. "Is she comin' in today? I wanna say hi!"

"Yeah, she should be—oh, speak of the devil! There she is. Lisanna!"

A gorgeous girl with short white hair and clear blue eyes—clearly related to Mira—gasps and squeals before running over to hug Mira over the counter. "Mira! I've missed you so much! Where's Elfman? Hey, Natsu, it's so good to see you! And who's this?"

Lucy smiles at the affectionate display and waves shyly. "Hello, I'm Lucy."

"She's my new friend!" Natsu pipes up, throwing an arm across Lucy's shoulders.

" _Our_ new friend, Natsu," Mira corrects mildly, before facing her sister again with a large smile. "Elfman's in the back, organizing supplies, you can see him later."

Lisanna nods distractedly. "Lucy, Lucy," she mutters under her breath. Then she snaps her fingers and gasps. "Lucy! Are you the Lucy that Natsu is in love with?"

"Lisanna!" Natsu hisses, his face turning red. Lucy blushes with him.

"I tried to get an interview with you a couple years ago!" Lisanna continues as if Natsu hadn't spoken.

"Oh, yes, Mira told me about that. I'm so sorry for declining, I just don't really like publicity," Lucy explains apologetically. "But if you still want...I mean, I'll make an exception for a friend...plus it might help get my music some attention, right?"

Lisanna grabs Lucy's hands and stares at her with sparkling eyes. "Really? You'd let me interview you? Are you sure? You totally don't have to!"

Lucy shakes her head. "To be honest, I've been thinking about it, because my music is still so unknown and my company is starting to push. I'd rather you have my first interview than anyone else."

Lisanna tosses her arms around Lucy ecstatically before dancing away and shoving her card at her. "You. Are. Awesome! We're gonna be great friends, and I swear not to ask or publish anything you're uncomfortable with. Gimme a call to schedule a time! Oh my gosh, this is so cool! I _love_ your music, thanks to Natsu, of course, and I really think you deserve so much more acknowledgement! This is gonna be great!"

"Breathe, Lis, breathe," Mira chuckles dryly.

Lucy blinks, a little shell-shocked by Lisanna's overwhelming enthusiasm, but it's undoubtedly endearing. "Um, y-yeah, sure, I—yeah, th-thanks?"

"Great! I'm gonna go say hi to Elfman now. Call me!" With one last squeal, Lisanna sweeps away with a flourish, leaving an amused Mira, a mildly embarrassed Natsu, and a confused Lucy behind.

"Sorry about her, Lucy!" Mira laughs. "She's a whirlwind. I'm so used to her I forgot to warn you."

Natsu grumbles under his breath and Lucy smiles.

"It's fine! I was just caught off-guard." Lucy laughs. "She's really sweet. But, um, Natsu, did you really introduce all of your friends to my music? Because I—I mean, you like—um—"

Mira giggles as Natsu splutters and Lucy stares at him with fond wonder. "You two are so cute."

"Just—Lucy, let's go!" Natsu grabs Lucy's hand and yanks her out, barely giving her time to wave goodbye to Mira.

"Natsu!" Lucy scolds as he leads her down the street. "That wasn't nice! Also, where are you going?"

He jerks to a stop but doesn't drop her hand. "Oops." He sighs. "Sorry 'bout all my friends. They like embarrassin' me."

"I noticed," Lucy replies dryly. Then she looks down at her feet and asks quietly, "So...does that mean you _don't_ love my music that much?"

"What? No, I do! I'm in love with your music." He flushes lightly, but forges on. "I just—I don't need my friends sayin' it all the time, and makin' it sound like I'm in love with _you_. Not that that's a bad thing! But, you know...aw, hell, this is comin' out all wrong."

Lucy giggles softly and squeezes his hand. "Hey, it's okay. I know what you're trying to say. Thank you for loving my music."

They stand in the middle of the sidewalk, smiling at each other and holding hands, until a random passerby clears his throat and Natsu and Lucy are jerked out of their daze.

"So, uh, where are we goin' today?" Natsu coughs, looking away.

Lucy beams as she remembers their destination and tugs at Natsu's hand excitedly. "Oh right! This way!"

They weave their way through the streets to Lucy's studio. Natsu stares up at the tall, nondescript building dubiously.

"Here we are!" Lucy gestures at the gray building with a grin.

"Where is 'here,' exactly?"

Her grin grows wider. "My studio!" They walk in and Lucy navigates them to her personal studio, stopping right outside the door with her name on it. "I wanted to show you where I make my music and maybe...I mean, if you're up for it...we could record something too? Just for fun!" she adds hastily. "So, um, what do you think?"

He stares at her with wide, unblinking eyes. "Lucy. This. Is. Awesome."

Relief hits her and she relaxes, beeping them in. Natsu wastes no time, his eyes darting everywhere to take it all in. A collection of her favorite albums—and her own as well—line the walls, and posters of her favorite bands and singers are taped up everywhere. One shelf holds a few precious framed pictures.

This room is her safe haven, She has never brought a friend inside before so she had been nervous, but she should've known better—it's Natsu, after all, and she knows he would never judge her.

"Wow, Luce— _wow_ , is that—whoa, I love this band too! And this one! Oh, and—I can't believe you have all of these albums! Whoaaaaaaa. Hey, who's this? She looks exactly like you!"

Lucy walks over and peers over his shoulder, smiling softly when she sees which picture Natsu is looking at. It's her parents' wedding photo, her favorite, because it is one of the only pictures she has of her parents together, and happy.

"Why, thank you, Natsu," she chuckles. "That's my mother. And that's my father. It's their wedding photo. They look so beautiful, don't they?"

He tilts his head. "I dunno...I mean, your mom is one pretty lady. But your dad kinda looks like he's got a caterpillar on his face."

Lucy bursts into surprised laughter. "Natsu!"

He grins and points at her. "Ha! Made ya laugh!"

She smacks his finger playfully. "It's not polite to point at people, you know."

"Hey, I didn't get to where I am now by being polite."

"I'll say."

Pouting, Natsu turns around and notices the wooden cabinet by the couch. "Hey, what's in there?"

"Huh? Wait, don't—"

Too late. Natsu throws open the cabinet doors and immediately spies the leather-bound notebook hidden inside. He grabs it and eagerly flips it open. "What's this?"

" _No_!" Not the notebook full of sappy lyrics and teenage angst!

Lucy launches herself at him, and they tumble onto the sofa in a tangled ball of limbs and hair and clothes. They end up on the ground, panting heavily, Lucy splayed across Natsu with her face in his neck, her arms twisted around his body, and her legs hooked under his knees.

And the notebook is still in his hand.

"Ow, Lucy, didja hafta tackle me like that?" he groans, working his free arm around her waist and hauling her body up with his until he's leaning back against the couch. Lucy squeaks into his jaw, feeling her clothes ride up and her legs untangling to settle on each side of his hips.

"It's your fault for looking at things you're not supposed to see," she breathes, pulling back to glare at him. She reaches for the notebook, but he grins and holds it up and out of her reach. Their noses brush and she freezes, suddenly realizing exactly what position they're in.

She stares into his eyes, so dark and beautiful, and wonders what thoughts are running through his mind. Because she knows exactly what is running through hers—thoughts of _attraction_ , still, but now also of _affection_ , which is infinitely more dangerous—and it is all she can do not to press forward and kiss him.

 _Too much too soon, too close, you can't,_ stop—

Her name blows across her lips and she gasps.

"Natsu," she croons hoarsely, unable to help herself from curving into him even more. Everything about him is warm, and intense, and so strangely _addicting_ —her pulse beats in staccato, and her hand on his heart feels his answering rhythm.

A strangled noise tears itself from his throat and he groans her name helplessly—" _Lu_ cy"—before he cranes forward and kisses her.

She's vaguely aware of the sound of her notebook hitting the couch as her arms wind around his neck and her fingers slide through his hair, but Natsu's arms around her and his feverish, careful touches on her skin overload her brain. Every brush of his fingers crashes through her brain in _fortissimo_ —she can't think of anything but him, can hardly remember her body existing without his.

She whimpers and his mouth, _his mouth_ —she has never known what kissing is until right now, this very moment.

"Na—tsu—"

He tears away, panting heavily, and buries his face into her neck, clutching her body close. She trembles and digs her nails into his shoulders when she feels his lips moving over her skin; it takes her a long, heated moment to realize he's whispering her name, again and again.

Lucy looks around the room with hazy eyes. Something is different. The lights are brighter and more inviting, the couch is softer, the microphone is beckoning her, and Natsu is holding her.

She looks down at his pink hair and tries to think of words. What does she say to the person who has overthrown everything she's ever known (but in the best way)? He grew into her life so seamlessly and has changed her so subtly, but so completely, that she almost cannot believe she used to be alone. He's the adventure she's always wanted; she's been waiting for him her entire life, she knows it. And yet, in this crucial moment, she cannot think of the words to tell him.

But Lucy isn't much of a speaker, after all. She's a singer, through and through, so: she sings.

 _You wear your heart upon your sleeve_  
_Oh darling, I read it easily_  
 _But my eyes are where my heart shines through_  
 _So darling, tell me what you see_

Natsu doesn't move for several slow beats; Lucy starts to think he didn't hear her, or maybe he didn't want to hear her, but then he looks up.

And her heart is so full.

He's staring at her with such shocked hope in his eyes, as if he had expected her to hate him and push him away. He should know better, Lucy thinks; how could she ever hold any negative feelings for him?

"Is that—" His voice cracks, so he blushes and clears his throat. Lucy can't do anything but beam beatifically. "Is that a new song?"

Lucy shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe? I just thought of it."

"You're amazing."

She blushes now, and ducks her head, peeking at him shyly. "You're more amazing."

He grins toothily, making her heart stutter with happiness. "Nah, that's impossible."

She's still sitting in his lap and he's still holding her, and neither seem inclined to move. Lucy leans her forehead against his gently, sighing when he closes his eyes and hums contentedly.

"Wanna help me write a song?" she asks quietly, playing with his hair. "We can record it after, if you'd like." She reads doubt in the set of his mouth. "I won't release it or anything. It'll just be for us."

"Aw, Luce, I can't sing." He opens his eyes and watches his fingers fidget with the hem of her shirt.

"I know you can hold a tune 'cause I've heard you sing along to my songs," she reminds him in amusement. "Besides, we're the only ones who will hear it, unless you wanna share it with our friends."

He exhales slowly. "I'll make you sound bad."

Lucy's laugh is sudden and brief. "What? No! I happen to really, really like your singing voice. I think it goes well with mine, because they're so different." She bites her lip at his unconvinced expression, and her face falls a little. "But, I mean, it's okay if you really don't want to. At least help me write the song?"

He sighs and shakes his head with a helpless smile. "Alright, alright, I'll sing. The things I do for ya, Luce, I swear."

Lucy finally climbs out of his lap and onto the couch, pulling him up with her. "Well, since you're being _so_ generous, I guess I can show you what's in this notebook."

He lights up immediately. "Really? Lemme see, lemme see!"

They spend the rest of the day laughing over her cheesy lyrics and writing some cheese of their own. Their hands stay linked, except when one of them is recording, and they never talk about the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooooooo that happened.
> 
> ok idk what i'm doing tbh like i've planned it out to be 13 chaps and i even have notes on what happens in each one but like. THINGS CHANGE WHEN I'M WRITING. for example, lucy and natsu were definitely NOT supposed to kiss yet ahahahhahahaaaaaaaa BUT THEY DID. aaaaaaand this chapter is longer and kinda messy (sorry) because a lot A LOT happened but...i don't wanna drag things out too long with a bunch of short chapters. i like writing long chapters, i just don't usually have the inspiration for it.
> 
> i know lucy and natsu are moving fast but...ok, the way i look at natsu and lucy is kinda like "instant connection." and maybe it's not the most realistic but ain't nobody got time fo dat (sorry. but really, i'm actually trying to finish this story in a timely manner so...there may be time skips i apologize in advance). and i mean they've been hanging out every day for a coupla weeks already, i figure they clearly have a bond at this point ahaha.
> 
> also sorry bout them corn lyrics. I JUST I TRIED OK
> 
> also SORRY IDK HOW TO WRITE KISS SCENES EVEN THOUGH I LIKE WRITING THEM IDK HOW THEY WORK IRL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA
> 
> i'm tired.


	4. —i watch the roses of the day grow deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is at moments after i have dreamed  
> of the rare entertainment of your eyes,  
> when(being fool to fancy)i have deemed
> 
> with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;  
> at moments when the glassy darkness holds
> 
> the genuine apparition of your smile  
> (it was through tears always)and silence moulds  
> such strangeness as was mine a little while;
> 
> moments when my once more illustrious arms  
> are filled with fascination, when my breast  
> wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:
> 
> one pierced moment whiter than the rest
> 
> —turning from the tremendous lie of sleep  
> i watch the roses of the day grow deep.  
> —e. e. cummings

> Do you, do you know, do you know what you mean to me  
>  Do you, do you know, do you know what you make me feel  
>  Every, every time that you smile, I can hardly breathe  
>  Baby, do you see, do you see you're my summer

_"...interviews, so what made you change your mind?"_

_"As you know, my family struggled with publicity in the past, so I was wary, to say the least. But then I met my best friends. They showed me that hiding from people won't solve my problems. Also, my company has been looking for opportunities to advertise my music more, so I thought, why not?"_

_"Well, we sure are glad you did. We received many questions from your fans about your fashion, especially your jewelry. Let's see—glass, are they? How gorgeous! Wherever did you find these?"_

_"Actually, my friend and his sister make them by hand. He's a very talented glassblower, and his sister has an eye for jewelry."_

_"Handmade! No wonder they're so unique and difficult to find!"_

_"Yes, I keep telling my friend to open up a shop, maybe online, so that more people will know about him but he's strangely unreceptive to the idea. It's not a bad idea, is it?"_

_"That's a fantastic idea! You must convince him and be sure to let us know when it happens!"_

_"I'll try my best!"_

_"Alright, Lucy, let's get down to business. Now you're no rookie singer, but you were quite unknown in the past. However, your recent single has launched you into stardom! How are you feeling about your newfound popularity?"_

_"It's crazy! I have so many fans now and people recognize me on the streets...it's definitely strange. I suppose I'll have to get used to it."_

_"You sure will, because your voice is unforgettable. It's astounding that you've gone undiscovered for so long. Tell us about this new song of yours."_

_"So it's called 'Summer,' as you probably know, and it's, um, it's a love song. It's very different from my usual style. My songs in the past have mostly been about loss and identity, much more melancholic than 'Summer.' But this song is very important to me and I'm both nervous and excited to share it with the world."_

_"It's a beautiful song, and the lyrics are so sweet. Is it, perhaps, inspired by real life?"_

_"I do write all of my music, so naturally all my songs are based on my personal experiences and, yes, 'Summer' is no different."_

_"I see! So who's the lucky guy? Anyone we know?"_

_"Oh...I really can't say but...nothing's official. That's all I can tell you."_

_"Aw, well, I wish you the best of luck with your 'summer.'"_

_"Thank you."_

_"So, Lucy, tell me..."_

"Oh no, why are you watching that? Stop, stop, turn it off! It's embarrassing to see myself on TV."

Levy turned around to smirk at a blushing Lucy, leaning over the back of the couch to wiggle her eyebrows and say slyly, "So, Lu. Nothing's _official_ , huh?"

"I-I-I—"

"I guess you and Natsu are gettin' _pret_ ty cozy, hmm?"

"W-well, what about you and Gajeel, huh?"

It was Levy's turn to blush.

Gajeel was Natsu's cousin. He was tall, dark, and punk, with numerous body piercings and a wild mane of black hair. He looked huge next to Levy, and was overly protective of her. Anyone could tell how they felt about each other. He seemed kind and well-meaning, albeit harsh and blunt and crude. Apparently, he'd been an asshole to Levy and her friends when they'd first met, due to some personal issues, but had long since apologized and had been trying to make it up to her since.

Lucy wondered if anyone had told him yet that the best way to make it up to Levy was to ask her out. She'd have to mention it to him sometime, just to make sure.

"This isn't about me, this is about you!" Levy tossed the remote and flopped down onto the cushions, beckoning Lucy to join her. "Is the song really about Natsu? I mean, I know it's called 'Summer' but..."

Lucy giggled dreamily as she sat down beside Levy. "Yes. We wrote it together...he's credited under an alias. And he even recorded it with me! Of course that version will never be released but...I listen to it all the time..."

Levy shot up and squealed loudly."Natsu sang it with you!? Oh my goodness, I have to hear it!"

"Oh..." Lucy bit her lip. "You'll have to ask Natsu if he's okay with that. He's really shy about his voice. I have no idea why. I think it's beautiful." She shivered lightly just thinking about it.

Levy rolled her eyes. "Well, of _course_ you do. Alright, I'll ask him then."

"What do you mean, of course I do? He has a nice voice!"

"Lucy, you _literally_ wrote a love song about him. I think it's safe to say there's not much you _don't_ like about him."

Lucy spluttered incoherently.

"So!" Levy sat up with a mischievous grin. "Something must have happened between you two. Gimme all the details!"

Girl talk! Lucy almost screamed girlishly. She'd never had a friend to talk about boys with before. She was embarrassed but even more excited.

"Well," she began bashfully, "we met up at the Strauss cafe as usual. Lisanna came back that day so I met her and agreed to do my first interview with her—"

"I remember watching that!" Levy interrupted. "I was so surprised to see you on TV!"

"Yes, but it was fun! Um, and then we went to my studio and Natsu was looking around when he found my lyric notebook. It's where I write all my songs but it also has a ton of dumb, embarrassing lyrics from forever ago and I didn't want him to see them so we fought for it—"

"You _fought_ with _Natsu_!?"

"I was desperate, okay! They're really embarrassing!" Lucy covered her flaming cheeks. "Of course,we ended up falling, and I landed on top of him—"

Levy shrieked in anticipation.

"—and then...we kissed. It was...perfect." Lucy sighed, melting into the couch as she remembered. "And then we wrote the song and recorded it and we held hands the whole time."

Levy gaped at her. "You mean to tell me that you and Natsu were together, _alone_ , for an extended period of time, and all you did was kiss? _Once_!?"

Lucy squirmed. "W-well, what else would we do?"

"Oh, Lucy. You innocent child."

" _Levy_!" Lucy pouted. "Don't you think that would be moving way too fast? Plus...I mean, we haven't actually talked about, you know, _the kiss_."

Levy's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "Wait, you haven't? No one's asked anyone out?"

"No..."

"What! Do you guys still see each other?"

"Of course we do!" Lucy replied indignantly. "We hang out all the time!"

"And nothing's...different?"

"Well...I mean, we always hold hands now...and um, sometimes we, um, we kiss a little, um..."

Levy threw her hands up in exasperation. "So you're basically dating."

"But—officially—"

"Right, right, not 'officially.'" Levy sighed and looked at Lucy seriously. "Well, why not? What's stopping you from asking him out? You know he likes you."

Lucy bit her lip. "I don't know...what if he's not looking for a relationship? Natsu's so...well, you know! Honest? I mean, I expected him to say something by now if he really wanted it..."

"This is all new to him. I've known him since we were in diapers and I can tell you with complete certainty that he's never felt like this about anyone before. He's pretty clueless about romance, so he probably just doesn't know what to do," Levy explained with a shrug. "It really might be up to you to make a move."

"But...but this is all new for me too! I barely know how to be a friend, let alone a _girl_ friend!" Lucy worried her lips between her teeth and tugged at her hair. "Sure, I've read books, but that's not the same! I don't know, Levy...what if neither of us do anything? Would it really be so bad to be ambiguous for a while? I mean...we're pretty happy right now..."

Levy shook her head fervently. "I wouldn't recommend it, Lu. Ambiguity spawns misunderstanding. You might both get hurt. Of course, I can't tell you guys what to do but...I think you should talk to him."

Lucy looked away uncertainly.

Levy sighed. "You two have something real, Lucy, and I don't wanna see either of you get hurt and mess up a good thing."

"But...I'm scared, Levy." Lucy looked at her friend with wide, frightened eyes. "I...growing up, I wasn't really allowed to make friends. I learned how to get rich old people to like me, but I didn't learn how to socialize with people my age. Like right now, I'm still worried that I might scare you and Natsu and Erza and Gray and everyone away! I'm terrified of m-messing up and losing th-the only real f-friends I've ever known..."

"Oh, Lucy." Levy launched herself forward and hugged Lucy tightly. "I'm so sorry. But that's not something you ever have to worry about, I swear."

Lucy sniffled as her eyes welled with tears, and she hugged Levy back just as tightly.

"You're a good person, Lucy, and none of us would stop being your friend just because you made a mistake. Maybe we'll get angry, maybe we'll fight, but that's normal. Do you really think so little of us?" Levy teased gently, easing back to smile at Lucy.

Lucy hastily shook her head, wiping her eyes in mortification. "No, no, of course not! Never, I would never think that—"

"Kidding! I was kidding, don't worry." Levy grinned and scooted closer so she could lean her head on Lucy's shoulder. "I promise, Lu, being friends with us is the easiest thing. In fact, there's nothing you can do to make us not want to be your friends. Even if you didn't want us, we'd probably _still_ be your friends! We're forceful like that."

"Actually, I can believe that." Lucy giggled and leaned her head on top of Levy's. "Thanks, Levy."

"Hey, what are friends for?"

* * *

Lucy hummed as she browsed the shelves of the library, looking for her new victim. When she was young, she had aspired to be an author—and in a way, she was. After all, every song she wrote told a story. Unfortunately, writing a full-length novel was beyond her patience.

She meandered through the maze of shelves, building a respectable stack in her arms. Making her way through the nonfiction shelves, she glanced around and froze when she spied a familiar silhouette.

A familiar _shirtless_ silhouette.

"Um, Gray?" Lucy called hesitantly.

She had spent some time with him before, but always with a group of others, never alone. She still didn't know him very well, but she liked him and he was kind to her.

His head jerked up and he stared at her with huge, shocked eyes. "L-L-Lu- _Lucy_?"

"Hey. Sorry if I startled you," she added, noting the tension in his stance.

He sighed and relaxed, rolling his shoulders before approaching her with an embarrassed smile. "Nah, it's not your fault. I just wasn't expectin' anyone to recognize me at the library 'cause all my friends are dumb."

Lucy frowned disapprovingly. "Gray, don't be mean."

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon Lucy, you can't tell me you could imagine Natsu steppin' inside a library of his own will."

"Well, no," she admitted, "but more because he's loud and disruptive than anything else."

"Exactly. Dumb."

Lucy smiled grudgingly. "But you do know walking around shirtless isn't allowed in a library either?"

"Wha—shit, _again_?" Gray groaned. "It's just so _hot_ wearin' clothes."

Lucy frowned in confusion. "It—it is? But the air conditioner...it's like sixty degrees in here."

He looked at her pointedly.

She couldn't help but giggle. "O _kay_ , if you say so. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"Just pickin' up some art books." He held up a large, heavy-looking book. "I get my sculpting inspiration from the old masters. Natsu and Erza seem to think I pull all my ideas outta my ass or somethin'."

She laughed out loud at that, immediately slapping a hand over her mouth to silence her mirth. "W-well, you have to admit that'd be impressive!"

Gray snorted. "Impressive that I shit all my sculptures? I guess, if you're into that kinda thing."

Lucy dissolved into suppressed laughter.

"So what brings you here? I thought you'd be with Natsu, like always."

"What do you mean, like always?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "We're not joined at the hip, you know!"

"Coulda fooled me," he coughed unconvincingly, then grinned and reached a hand forward to ruffle her hair.

She made a noise and swatted at his arm. "Don't mess with my hair! I'll tell Juvia you're cheating on her."

"We're not even together!" he hissed, quickly snatching his hand back.

"She's not gonna be happy," Lucy sang, grinning slyly when he slapped his face. "Just kidding. In all seriousness, why _aren't_ you two dating yet? You clearly like each other."

His face filled with an alarming shade of red. "I—I don't—we're not—she can't—it's complicated! Yeah!"

Lucy sighed. "It always is, isn't it."

Gray frowned. "What? Somethin' happen between you and the idiot?"

"Yes...no? I don't really know...it's complicated," she echoed.

He eyed her for a second. "Things are gettin' real for you two, huh?"

She bit her lip. "I guess? I just—he won't—I can't—I don't know!"

"Hey, whoa, it's okay. You don't have to tell me. Just—don't hurt 'im, okay? He's an idiot but...he's a good guy." Gray looked away, bashfully scratching his head.

Lucy was glad Natsu had such a good best friend, and she understood his warning wasn't personal, though she still couldn't help but feel a little sting in her chest. Did he think she would hurt Natsu? Is that how people saw her?

"I won't. Natsu's lucky to have your friendship, Gray." She ducked her head, staring blankly at the books in her arms.

"And...if that idiot hurts you in any way, let me know and I'll beat 'im up for you." He coughed awkwardly but smirked and ruffled her hair again.

She couldn't find it in herself to care this time. Instead, she set her books down and flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. He stumbled back but held onto her, patting her back awkwardly.

"Thanks, Gray." _You're the brother I never had_.

"Anytime."

* * *

Lucy's eyes lit up as she caught sight of Natsu and Wendy waiting for her outside of her apartment.

"Hey! Sorry, did you wait long?" Lucy hurried to them, greeting Wendy with a warm hug and Natsu with a shy smile.

He grinned and reached for her hand, which she willingly submitted, easily drawing her close. "Been out here for hours, Luce. What took ya so long?"

Lucy pouted, admiring the way her fingers fit between his. "No, you didn't."

"No, we didn't," Wendy confirmed, playfully elbowing her brother in the side. He doubled over in mock pain. "We've only been here for a few minutes, but to Natsu, a minute without you is like an hour."

"Wha—Wendy, don't—"

"O-oh, wow, um—"

Wendy snickered as the two adults blushed and stammered. They couldn't meet each other's eyes, but she noticed that their hands never parted.

"So!" Lucy cleared her throat and smiled at Wendy, her cheeks still tickle-me-pink. "What are we doing today?"

Wendy latched onto Lucy's free arm and began leading them away. "We're going to the aquarium! Natsu says you've never been. It's tragic!"

" _Tragic_ ," Natsu agreed, nodding seriously.

Lucy rolled her eyes at him. "That sounds awesome, Wendy. I'm so excited! Yes, my father didn't really let me out of the house when I was young and after I left home, I didn't really have any friends to hang out with, so I never went."

Natsu clenched his jaw. "Luce, yer dad sounds like an ass."

"Natsu!" Wendy cried, feeling insulted on Lucy's behalf.

"What? It's true," he grumbled.

Lucy smiled gently. "It's fine, Wendy. Natsu's right. My father wasn't much of a father to me after Mother died."

"I'm sorry," Wendy murmured, stopping to hug Lucy around the waist. "You have us now!"

Laughing, Lucy hugged her back. "You're right! And I'm very grateful."

They eventually made it to the aquarium. There was a bit of a fuss over the tickets—Natsu insisted on buying, though Lucy was adamant about paying for her own, and in the end, Wendy bought all the tickets while they were arguing—but they soon stepped into the first exhibit and Lucy lost her breath.

The tank was huge and the water was so clear and the fish were so colorful. The exhibit itself was very quiet, and Lucy felt like she had entered a whole new world.

"Wow," she whispered, eyes wide, mouth open. "It's so pretty. And peaceful."

Wendy whipped out her phone and began taking pictures of some of the fish. Natsu smiled down at Lucy and placed his hand on her back, urging her to walk through the room.

It was such a strangely calming place, Lucy mused to herself.

They came across a hallway in which the ceiling was a glass dome and fish swam all over and around them.

Lucy leaned forward, staring raptly at a group of floating turtles.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Natsu said as he stood behind her, sliding his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.

She hummed happily and leaned back, turning to smile at him. He leaned forward and kissed her softly before nipping at her neck, making her giggle and squirm.

Neither noticed Wendy sneakily taking picture after picture of them.

They also didn't notice a small gathering of young girls whispering amongst themselves and pointing at Lucy.

Pulling back, Natsu grabbed her hand and began leading her to the next room, but suddenly there was squealing and gasping and the group of preteen girls converged on them.

"O-M-G, _hi_! You're Lucy, right? You're, like, my _favorite_ singer ever! I _love_ 'Summer'!"

"Omigosh, this is _so_ cool! Can I get an autograph?"

"You're _sooo_ pretty! Can I get a picture?"

" _This is the coolest_!"

"Is _he_ your _boyfriend_?"

"Omigosh, he's _hot_!"

Lucy couldn't keep up with all their requests, but she did her best to give out autographs and keep smiling politely for all the camera flashes. She had never been mobbed by fans before so she didn't really know what to do; it was overwhelming. She just wanted to get away and spend time with Natsu and Wendy.

Natsu forced his way into the center of the small crowd and grabbed her waist. He spoke into her ear, "Finish this one, and I'll get you outta here."

Nodding, she scribbled her name onto someone's arm and shoved the pen away. Smiling around her, she said, "I'm sorry, but I have to leave now. Thank you all for your love and support!"

Then she and Natsu pushed their way through the bodies, grabbed a stunned Wendy, and ran like hell out of the aquarium, not bothering to turn around when they heard people chasing after them.

It was a pity they only got to see a bit of the aquarium, Lucy thought, but she supposed there would be plenty more chances in the future.

They ran and ran until their chests heaved and their legs ached and their pursuers had long given up. They ran and laughed and it was _freedom_.

It was a warmth in Lucy's chest that she hadn't felt in years, a melody in her ears that she thought had been lost to her forever.

It was Natsu and Wendy and all the other friends she had found. They made her soul sing again, the way the way it used to sing for her mother. She knew that she had finally found the family she had been searching for all her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! i wanted a lot of stuff to happen lol and it's about the same length as the previous chapter. but i don't really like how this turned out...still i think i've sat on it long enough so have at it!
> 
> i've been swamped with projects and nano so everything is slow going right now. don't expect the next chapter for a while! it's pretty much planned out, so i just have to find time to write it. :D
> 
> not much to say this time; i have to hurry and get back to my homework, ughhhh. enjoy!
> 
> OH btw if you catch any errors, let me know!


	5. —i like my body when it is with your / body : interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i like my body when it is with your  
> body. It is so quite new a thing.  
> Muscles better and nerves more.  
> i like your body. i like what it does,  
> i like its hows. i like to feel the spine  
> of your body and its bones,and the trembling  
> -firm-smooth ness and which i will  
> again and again and again  
> kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,  
> i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz  
> of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes  
> over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,
> 
> and possibly i like the thrill
> 
> of under me you so quite new  
> —e. e. cummings

He found her in a dark time.

It was the first anniversary of his father's death and Natsu was falling apart. Wendy was taking it just as badly, but she was the kind of person who accepted sympathy and distraction from her friends and family.

Natsu preferred to grieve alone. And deeply.

When Igneel died, it was like the fire in Natsu's life had been extinguished. If it had been natural causes or even disease, Natsu might have accepted it more easily.

But it had been a drunk driver. It had been some ungrateful, idiotic woman who hadn't deserved to survive. But she had. And Igneel hadn't.

It wasn't  _ fair _ .

The year following Igneel's death was a rough one for Natsu. Wendy cried openly and often, and their loved ones rallied around them, supportive and wonderful. Natsu did his best not to worry them too much, pasting on a meaningless smile and suppressing his rage and sorrow, but the timer on his emotions counted down steadily.

And then he broke.

He hadn't been producing good work for a while, unable to properly blow any glass when his concentration strayed every five minutes; he was falling behind on bills; Wendy was too afraid to say anything to him for fear it might set him off; even Happy avoided him. All of the burden on his heart brought him to his knees and on that first anniversary of his father's death, he fell to his knees and cried.

He cried intermittently for days. He left his room only when his stomach gnawed on itself in hunger or when the toilet called his name. He cried a year's worth of tears in a week. He was an utter wreck.

Everyone knew to stay away. They had been waiting for this, had known it would happen eventually, and they knew he needed to let out as much of his pain as he could before he would be receptive to their care.

When it was over, he felt empty. He finally opened his door and left it open. He scrubbed his face clean and picked up the pieces of his life, though he still had no way to glue them back together. He lived like a zombie for another week, going through the motions of a normal life.

Then, it happened. He was on his way to the Strauss Cafe for work as usual - both Mira and Lisanna had given up on getting him to talk, instead just offering kind smiles and free food - when a car, windows down, radio blasting, passed by. It stopped at the traffic light and Natsu could hear the song perfectly.

_ Some nights the stars draw your face through the dark _ _   
_ _ But I can't reach you there, you've run too far _

It saved him.

The lyrics struck at his soul, jarring him back into reality because  _ he understood them _ . They were his exact emotions, spelled out and set to a haunting melody.

He spent his entire shift repeating the words he had heard so he could look them up when he got home.

That was how he found Lucy.

Slowly but surely, her music became the glue in his life, the spark that lit up the embers once again. Her music healed him, and he fell in love.

His artistic inspiration came back in waves, not all at once, and so did his emotions. Her voice in his ears, he cried himself to sleep every night for a month after he first discovered her. But it was more cathartic than painful, and Natsu knew he was going to be okay.

His friends didn't even have to ask. As soon as the thought of social interaction didn't make him want to throw up, he shoved his phone into everyone's faces, demanding they listen to Lucy's music. She was still a rookie at the time, so she didn't have many songs yet, but he loved them all, listened to them on loop.

Wendy started listening to Lucy's songs as more of a way to reconnect with her brother than anything else, but she fell in love too, and soon they both fell asleep to her voice, smiling.

They both wanted, more than anything, the opportunity to thank Lucy for saving Natsu. They just never thought they'd get the chance.

On the seventh anniversary of Igneel's death, Natsu visited his father's grave, red poppies in hand, and found a woman singing and crying a few rows away. Her song was full of pain - and her voice was almost familiar. He didn't mean to talk to her, but his body moved on its own.

She was startled and, despite her puffy red eyes and runny rose, the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

On a hunch, he asked her to sing, expecting her to deny him and wanting to kick himself for even suggesting it, but she actually agreed. She sang.

And he knew exactly who she was.

It was a miracle. Those didn't come lightly, he knew, and he wanted to kill himself when she ran away from him, thinking he'd just let the miracle of his life slip away.

But she found him. And he was determined to keep her, as long as she wanted to stay.

Wendy loved her, of course, and and Lucy loved her back immediately. It warmed his heart every time he saw his best girls together, sisters in every way that mattered.

He wasn't sure, had never had such strong romantic feelings before, but he was pretty sure he was in forever-love with Lucy by the fourth time they saw each other.

When they first kissed, he was gone. Hers, completely.

The only reason he didn't confess his undying love for her immediately, like his heart craved to do, was because he didn't know how she felt about him. She was clearly attracted to him, liked him to some extent, but he was sure she didn't love him like he did her. He didn't want to scare her away by declaring his love so quickly after they became friends, but he couldn't lie and tell her he simply liked her. He wasn't going to cheapen his feelings like that - but he was still too scared to ask hers.

So he didn't say anything. She didn't say anything. Life went on. And they were happy.

The aquarium date—even though Wendy was present, Natsu firmly considered it a date—was the first explicit demonstration of Lucy's rising popularity. He was so proud of her, and so honored that it was their song that launched her into stardom.

Finally, he thought, Lucy is finally getting the recognition she deserves.

There was only one more test she needed to pass to cement her home inside his heart forever.

They ran and ran from the aquarium, breathless and laughing, when they finally stopped, Natsu grabbed Lucy's hand, looked into her eyes, and said, "There's someone I want you to meet."

He made eye contact with Wendy, who nodded in understanding.

He led them all to his and Wendy's apartment. He could tell Lucy was nervous, and he was too, but he knew Happy would love her.

She stepped inside and two cats, one blue-gray, one pure white, sauntered to the door, meowing loudly. They froze at the sight of Lucy.

Happy moved first, as Natsu knew he would. He approached Lucy cautiously, sniffing around her ankles. She bent down slowly and offered her hand. He eyed it suspiciously, then sniffed it and nuzzled into her palm, purring.

Charle strode past her indifferently, leaping into Wendy's arms.

"Don't worry, she only likes Wendy," Natsu reassured Lucy when she looked troubled.

Wendy apologized as well before excusing herself to her room.

Lucy smiled and rubbed Happy's head, laughing when he jumped onto her bent knees and found a home around her neck. She looked up at Natsu with a giddy smile and his heart thudded with a strange certainty.

"Lucy," he said.

"Natsu," she answered, laughing, and it was everything.

She stood and fell into him, Happy still curled lazily across her shoulders, and he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JK I WROTE IT
> 
> i commute between home and school every day and it's an hour each way so i ended up typing this chapter up on my phone. it was meant to be shorter anyway. here's a little insight into natsu! there was supposed to be more, but i couldn't fit it with all the back story. next chapter for real won't be written for a while, cuz i have a little rearranging to do now, plotwise, haha.
> 
> as always, enjoy and notify me of any errors you see! :D

**Author's Note:**

> NALU OTP FTW. DIEHARD NALU SHIPPER RIGHT HERE DO NOT CONTINUE DO NOT PASS GO IF YOU DO NOT SHIP THE NALU LIKE IT'S YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
> 
> Ahem. That being said, no hate on Lisanna or any other characters here. This is, I declare now, a Hate-Free Zone. All are welcome. :D
> 
> This story is cross-posted on FFnet and IN PROGRESS WHOOOOO meaning you have to wait for my slow ass to write each chapter ahahahhahahahahahaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.............  
> (but I've actually been reeeeeeally productive lately, so have a little hope)
> 
> OOC! OOC EVERYWHERE but that's the point of AU, right? ;)
> 
> I own nothing. Titles of everything (literally) belong to the illustrious e. e. cummings.  
> OH WAIT I DID WRITE THE LYRICS ok any and all song lyrics used in this story will be written by me (so don't expect anything amazing lmao).


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